


The Survivor's Journals

by bangles25



Category: SHINee
Genre: Alcohol, Animal Death, Attempted Murder, Blood, Death, Delusions, F/M, Gen, Guns, Hallucinations, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Language, Mental Breakdown, Mental Instability, Mild Sexual Content, Murder, Mutants, Other, Post-Apocalypse, Post-Nuclear War, Suicidal Thoughts, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2020-06-03
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:55:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24100924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bangles25/pseuds/bangles25
Summary: September 15, 2180, was the end of the world. 30 year old Kim Kibum was lucky enough to find someone else's fallout shelter, and made himself a home. The shelter was stocked with everything he could ever need, plus a few extras, including an empty electronic journal, waiting for the words of the shelter's occupant.Decades have passed, Kim Kibum is long gone, the supplies in the shelter used up and in disrepair, but the journal still sits in its place, waiting for more words.You find the shelter, the journal. The entries are as follows.
Relationships: Kim Kibum | Key/Bae Joohyun | Irene, Kim Kibum | Key/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 2





	1. YEAR: 2180

**Author's Note:**

> I'm rarely inspired to write anymore but I was playing a video game and came across computers full of journal entries. There were maybe 12 over a span of like, idk, 50 years?(https://fallout.fandom.com/wiki/Randall_Clark_terminal_entries) I felt cheated but also, I couldn't stop thinking about it. What a great fanfic it would be. How I never wrote a story in this style, how you could do so much with more entries.
> 
> So yeah, here I am. Each year is a chapter. There won't be an entry for everyday or even every month. Some will be long, some will be short. There will be spelling and grammar errors, things will be left uncapitalized. We're not always technical when we journal so why should this be any different? 
> 
> This is the post apocalypse so be ready for anything. I'm adding everything in the tags so just keep an eye on that. Most stuff won't be very graphic but it depends on how much Kibum includes.

**September 16, 2180**

It was so loud. So bright, and I wasn't even looking at it. It was like the light was all around me. I could hear people in a car in the other lane screaming "my eyes!" and "I can't see!" As the ground rumbled beneath me I didn't really feel that lucky. You were back there, where the blinding light was coming from, the smoke and the cloud. I knew immediately you were dead. There was no getting around that. I cried all night and into the morning, wondering if I should crawl out of the fallout shelter I'd burrowed in. Yeah, just off the road hidden in the basement of the dentist's office, I found a shelter full of provisions, bottled water and first aid, clearly the work of one of those screaming apocalypse crazies. Big enough and stocked for a family. Heh, they had been right, but I guess this guy didn't make it back in time, his family too. I went in, bolted the heavy metal door behind me and I still didn't feel that lucky. i can't make it to the door without the Geiger counter going nuts, but from what I can tell, it's dead out there. I wonder how long it would take, how much exposure it would take, before I'd get to see you again. 

**September 17, 2180**

You would tell me to shut up. Quit it. You're not funny. Stop being stupid. You're not going out there. Sit down and eat your green beans.

**September 18, 2180**

I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. I love you and I'm sorry. God you must have been alone and so fucking scared and I should have been there and I'm sorry and I love you. 

**September 19, 2180**

I feel fucked up for saying it but I hope it was quick. Hope you didn't have to suffer. Hope you didn't have time to be scared. 

**September 20, 2180**

I can't be the only one left, right?

**September 21, 2180**

Whoever built this shelter didn't just stock it with food, water and first aid. There's guns, bullets, knives. binoculars. axes. shovels, rope, and so much other stuff. This person really thought ahead and it hit me this isn't gonna be temporary. I'm grateful they stocked some books, first aid, medicine, outdoor survival, stuff like that. I don't know shit. Kid books too but who cares about that. 

Its got five little rooms. A little room with a dirt floor(dunno what it was supposed to be for, but I'm calling it the bathroom)there's shelves on the wall stacked full of supplies. A bedroom with 3 beds, drawers built in underneath filled with supplies and clothes, extra blankets, a few board games. couple shelves full of books. A room full of bottled water. Like that's literally all that's in this room, water. Another room just the same, but with food. And the last room is full of the guns, the ammo, the tools, the medicine. Can't imagine how much it cost and honestly it's kind of nicer than our house.

Maybe I'll never have to leave.

**September 22, 2180**

Tomorrow's my birthday.

**September 23, 2180**

You always used to bake me a cake. But you couldn't bake for shit. Every single one of your cakes tasted like ass. But you always tried so hard for me. I never asked you to. God I didn't deserve you for a minute. 

**September 24, 2180**

Cellar Man forgot to stock birthday cake but did stock a nice supply of whiskey. Got drunk yesterday, jerked off and then felt like shit. Found another use for that little room with the dirt floor when I had to puke my guts out, and was again grateful for the shovel. Smells like shit in there but Cellar Man thought of everything.

**October 2, 2180**

Really starting to get chilly now. Cellar Man was a lot bigger than me but better a too big sweater than a too small sweater. The clothes for the rest of the family are too small. Maybe they'll be useful down the road. 

**October 5, 2180**

What am I even doing? What's the point?

**October 23, 2180**

I dreamed about you. You looked beautiful as always and kissed me. Told me everything was ok. Went down on me and then begged me to take you. Woke up and felt ashamed. You're gone and I'm thinking about blow jobs, what the fuck is wrong with me?

**October 24, 2180**

You know it was never about that, right? Sex with you was fun, natural, felt good, but that was all secondary. It was always only just you. I'd go without sex for the rest of my life as long as I could have you. Wouldn't even miss it as long as I got to hold you. Wish I could hold you. Smell your hair. Shoulda been there. I shoulda been there I SHOULDA BEEN THERE WHY WASNT I THERE 

**October 27, 2180**

Its raining. It sounds like it's coming down hard and the thunder is so loud. But it sounds nice. Reminds me of those stormy nights where you use to snuggle so close to me it was almost impossible to tell where I ended and you began.

**November 1, 2180**

Why didn't this asshole stock a toothbrush? Toothpaste? At least some fucking mouthwash. And under a fucking dentist's office. What a dick. 

Number on the Geiger counter is going down a little, but still too high to be safe. Maybe next month?

**November 2, 2180**

Do I even wanna go outside? I know I'll have to eventually. The food, the water, it's not gonna last forever. But what would it even be like out there? What if there are other people and they're only looking out for them? Could be over for me real quick.

**November 3, 2180**

Then again, it's just me here and the shelter seems stocked for a family...maybe I'd be ok. I'd probably go crazy though, right? Spending the rest of my life down here. Gotta go out eventually.

**November 4, 2180**

Was gonna ask you to marry me you know. When we went down to visit my parents. I was gonna take you out to the lake for a picnic and propose. Wanted you to be my little wife so I could take care of you forever. Say your always mine. Fucking ring cost a month's salary and now it's worthless, lost in whatever's left of our house. Why did I wait? I shouldn't have waited. 

**November 8, 2180**

Wanna keep writing. It's stupid but I kinda feel like I'm talking to you. But everyday is the same so what's the point? There's nothing to say. Nothing except I love you. I love you I love you I love you I love you I loveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou

**November 9, 2180**

I love you a thousand times over.

**November 13, 2180**

Would this be more bareable if I had you by my side? Or would it be worse? You'd hate this. You'd be so scared. This kind of stuff always freaked you out. Maybe it was a blessing for you.

**November 14, 2180**

A blessing. What the fuck. What the fuck is wrong with me? I'm so sorry. What the fuck

**November 27, 2180**

Happy birthday baby I love you.

**December 4, 2180**

I went outside. Took one of the guns and a backpack, and one of the smaller shovels to try and cover my tracks. There was so much snow covering everything, you could almost pretend nothing happened. I stayed in view of the dentist's office, was too scared to go further. Couldn't tell if there was anything alive. Couldn't hear anything. Maybe tomorrow I'll go out further.

**December 16, 2180**

There is nothing.

**December 25, 2180**

Merry Christmas.


	2. YEAR: 2181

**January 8, 2181**

Happy new year. 

**January 19, 2181**

Fuck the snow.

**February 27, 2181**

I think if I could just go to sleep forever that would be fine. It's so cozy under these blankets, it's so easy to pretend. 

**March 4, 2181**

Once it warms up I'm gonna go home. Why? To try and find you? I don't know.

**April 8, 2181**

Last night I saw a pack of dogs through the binoculars. They didn't look right. 

**April 19, 2181**

Went home. Found our street. Our house was like, like nothing. There was nothing. I wanted to bury you but I couldn't find your bones. All I could find was your stupid hippo. I cried it's so stupid. Everything is destroyed but that stupid fucking hippo survived. Probably dumb to take it, covered in radiation or whatever. But it was all I could find of you. Wasted a whole bottle of water trying to clean the dirt out of it's fur. 

Was scared to head back to the shelter. It'd been 3 days. What if someone else found it? Broke in? Didn't wanna share? Looked around when I got back and it didnt look like it'd been disturbed. Maybe I am the only one left. 

**April 23, 2181**

FUCK IM NOT THE ONLY ONE. IM NOT THE ONLY ONE. 

**April 25, 2181**

There's 7 of them, all men I think. They remind me of the dogs, it's clear they're human, but they're not right. Their eyes are empty and they seem all stretched out. The way they walk reminds me of the zombies in all of those old movies and TV shows. Zombies. That's ridiculous. 

**April 26, 2181**

Hid for a long time, watching them through the scope of my rifle. They don't really seem to do anything, just wander around. Their clothes are all torn up and some of them are missing one or both shoes...they don't seem to care. It doesn't seem like they talk or anything. Maybe they really are zombies?

**April 27, 2181**

If they're zombies I need to kill them right? Like when you have a really old dog and she's sick so you take her to the vet so she doesn't have to suffer anymore. Right? I wouldn't wanna be a zombie. And if they're zombies they might try to eat me..

God they're not zombies idiot. That's so stupid. Sound like a fucking moron. There has to be a logical explanation, something rooted in science. Just don't know what. 

**April 29, 2181**

One saw me. It saw me with it's big empty eyes. It saw me and opened its mouth and started to stagger towards me. The others seemed to notice it changed direction and they all followed, even though I don't think they saw me.

I panicked. I shot them. All of them. I killed them. Oh my God I killed them, I'm a murderer. Obviously they weren't zombies but there was something wrong with them and I got scared. What if by the time they got close enough for me to tell what was wrong with them they hurt me or infected me or...I don't know. Just making excuses. Can't justify the fact I murdered 7 people. 

**May 1, 2181**

I buried them all. Dug a separate grave for each of them. Made some markers with rocks. Up close they looked a little rotted and bloated, they didn't smell though. Shouldn't they smell?

Are there more of them?

**May 7, 2181**

Swear I heard you call my name yesterday. I turned to look for you but of course you weren't there. One of those weird dogs was though, it hadn't seen me yet so I bailed.

Did you really call out to me? To warn me about the dog? To protect me? Are you here? Looking out for my dumb ass? Baby please let me see you. God I fucking miss you. I need you. Don't know how I ever survived before I met you. 

**May 17, 2181**

Ok so maybe I went a little nuts for a few days. No big deal, it happens. What does a person expect will happen when someone thinks they heard the disembodied voice of their dead girlfriend calling their name to warn them of the danger lurking several feet behind them? It's not a BIG DEAL OK. it's FINE. 

Maybe I spent a few days outside, drinking heavily and looking for you. Maybe I tripped and fell in a really embarrassing way and twisted my ankle, then hobbled my ass back to the dentist's office.

Am I lucky to be alive? Debatable. 

**May 22, 2181**

Ankle is feeling a lot better. So I went out. Not too far, I didn't wanna over do it. But I heard a bird. I know I did. It wasn't in my head. It was real. I heard a fucking bird and i didn't imagine it. I couldn't find it though. Spent a couple hours with my binoculars, but I couldn't find it. 

**June 3, 2181**

So I think maybe those guys were zombies. That still sounds so stupid. But I saw a few more, 2 men and a woman this time. They were eating one of those dogs. It made the most horrible sounds as they ripped it apart. Practiced my aim with the scope and got 2 of them in the head on the first try. Took me a couple times to get the other guy down and then I aimed for the dog to end it's suffering. It was quick.

**June 5, 2181**

That's 10 people now. Nine men and a woman. Fuck. 

**September 14, 2181**

It's been year. A year since the last time I saw your face, held you in my arms, kissed you, heard your laugh, told you I loved you. A year since I've heard your voice. God I miss you. I thought it would get easier but every day is just as painful as the day before. 

**September 15, 2181**

Happy one year anniversary of the end of the world?

**September 17, 2181**

Sometimes I think about killing myself. There's plenty of guns and a seemingly endless supply of bullets. It would be so quick. And then I could be with you again.

**September 20, 2181**

I know you wouldn't want me to give up. I know you'd want me to keep going. I sleep with your hippo. It doesn't smell like you but it's all I have.

**September 23, 2181**

Happy birthday to me happy birthday to me happy birthday dear meeee, happy birthday to me.

I'm 32, whoop dee doo. What's there to celebrate? That one of the weird dogs haven't gotten me yet?

They're still out there, more than before. Before I got a good look at them I figured they were rabid or something. They're not, it's something else.

Maybe I won't get drunk this year.

**December 2, 2181**

I got drunk on my birthday. Got even more drunk on yours. You would have been 30. I cried and sang happy birthday to the hippo. Drank so much that's all I can remember doing. Fucking idiot. Felt so sick I thought I was dying. Not that lucky though.

**December 17, 2181**

Realized it's a lot easier to drag a broom with me to cover my tracks in the snow. Wish it didn't snow, it's such a pain. The fucking post apocalypse and there's still fucking snow. What a bunch of shit.

**December 23, 2181**

You always loved the snow. Thought it was beautiful. Nothing as beautiful as you though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think! ^^


	3. YEAR: 2182

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Didn't plan on posting another chapter so soon but I had to factory reset my phone the other day and thought I'd lost everything I'd written. But I just found out that everything was saved so to celebrate I'm posting another chapter!

**February 3, 2182**

Saw a man. He was a lot older. Alone. Thought he didn't see me but suddenly he twisted around, his gun pointed right at me. Called me a pretty boy but meant it nasty. Dared me to take a step. 

I raised my hands up and said I didn't want any trouble. That we could team up or we could just both be on our way and forget we ever saw each other. 

He laughed, had no interest in friendship. Said he wasn't that stupid. "But yeah, let's just both be on our way and forget we ever saw each other. You don't put a bullet in my back and I don't put a bullet in yours." 

The way he said it made me nervous, but it seems ok so far. I was scared he would follow me, find the shelter and kill me anyway. I didn't head in that direction though until it'd been hours since I saw him. 

**February 17, 2182**

Guess he was sincere.

**April 27, 2182**

I went fishing. I don't know if the fish are safe to eat so I tossed them back. But god baby it felt so good. I stood barefoot in the water. Time seemed to go by so quickly, suddenly the sun was setting and I had to rush back home. I don't know, I'm still scared of the darkness.

**May 3, 2182**

Home. I called this home. I've never called it home before. But I guess it is now, isn't it? Home was always with you. 

**August 7, 2182**

There's 4 of them. 2 men, one probably in his 50s, the other probably around my age, a woman, maybe a bit younger and a little girl. The woman looks scared, sick, dirty. The little one too. My mind is filling with terrible thoughts and god I hope none of them are right. 

There's a building down the road. Used to be a diner. Seems like they're using that as their base. Hope they don't explore to much. Makes me nervous to think about it.

**August 9, 2182**

Heard the woman screaming last night. One of the men too. Then a gunshot. Then nothing. I should have gone and checked but I'm a coward. I didn't. But this morning I saw her. She seemed ok. I didn't see any gun injuries. Maybe it was to scare her.

**August 10, 2182**

He hit that little girl so hard she hit the ground. I can't remember ever feeling so angry before. she can't be more than 5 or 6. How could he just hit her like that? The woman started to stand up but the older man pointed his gun at her and she sat back down.

I have to do something. 

**August 12, 2182**

I'm going to kill them. Both of them. I couldn't get a good shot or they'd already both be dead. The things I saw them doing to that woman, to that little girl. I'm going to kill them if it's the last thing I do. 

**August 14, 2182**

Watched them through the scope of my rifle for hours. They all sat down to eat. Guns were a few feet away. I moved in closer and was so slow and patient-I knew I couldn't mess this up. When I got closer and was able to get them in my sights I put a bullet in both of them and then didn't stop. Shot both of them til my clip was empty. 

The girl crawled into the woman's lap and buried her face into her chest and the woman held her so tightly. I know I scared the girl and it made me sick.

Do I show myself? 

**August 15, 2182**

God they slept in the diner with the bodies still in there. They can't stay there like that. The bodies will start to smell, attract animals. I doubt shes strong enough to drag the bodies out though.

##

I went to the diner. When I opened the door the woman swung around and pointed a shot gun at me. I raised my hands in the air. Said I wanted to help. She laughed, and I noticed the little girl hiding behind her.

Told her I saw what the men did to them, that I'd been the one to kill them. She took a few steps back, keeping the gun pointed at me.

And I apologized. I apologized! What the fuck. Why should I apologize? But when I told her I did it she seemed mad. Said I was sorry but when I saw what they did to them it made my blood boil. She said it was how they survived. She had to let these men abuse her and her child so they would agree to protect them, help them find food. 

Sick fucks. 

**August 17, 2182**

Her name is Joohyun. The little girl, Chaewon. I brought them home, showed them the books and toys and clothes that had been stocked for the rest of Cellar Man's family. She laughed. Joohyun laughed while going through the clothes, the books.

Her eyes though, they were sad. She didn't trust me but I can't say I blame her. Chaewon was thrilled to see toys and books. 

I told her I don't expect anything. That just a conversation is enough. Friendship. Companionship. That she was free to leave with Chaewon whenever she wanted. That I'd help her pack a bag. 

She asked if we could wait to talk until morning. I agreed.

**August 18, 2182**

I think they're gonna stay for a little while. Chaewon doesn't seem to care but Joohyun still watches me close, gets nervous if I get to near to her or Chaewon. I keep telling her she can leave if she wants. That I won't force her to stay, but I don't know if she believes me. 

**August 19, 2182**

I wanted to go outside. Get some air. Joohyun didn't want to. I went out and didn't even think to bring the keys. Figured Joohyun would let me back in.

Why would I think that? I'm so dumb. She wouldn't let me back in. She locked me out. Could hear her soft voice apologizing from the other side.

I wouldn't stop beating on the door.

"I saved you, saved your kid," 

After a few moments of silence I heard the locks click. I opened the door and she immediately started apologizing, begged me not to hurt them, that they would leave right away.

Told her I wasn't gonna hurt them, that they didn't have to leave. Just...shit don't lock me out.

Things were weird for the rest of the day.

**August 23, 2182**

I fucked up. Things were finally back to normal after she locked me out and I fucked up. Chaewon went for your hippo, had it in her hands and I yelled "no!" She jumped in surprise and dropped it, then ran into Joohyun's arms. Joohyun held her so tightly and stared up at me, and she was so scared.

I apologized, said Chaewon could play with any other toy in the shelter, but this one was special. I don't think she understood but Joohyun did. I told her about you. How I wanted to marry you, how you were my world and she smiled sadly, opened the locket around her neck to reveal a picture of her with Chaewon and a man who had ears that stuck out the way Chaewon's do. 

I don't know what she told Chaewon but the little girl came up to me and said she was sorry for taking my hippo. I know I should have said she didn't need to apologise, that it was fine, but I didn't.

**September 3, 2182**

I think she trusts me.

**September 17, 2182**

I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I love you I love you I love you. Only you always you. It's always been you. No one could ever take your place or replace you. No one else can even come close. I'm so fucking sorry.

**September 18, 2182**

She crawled into my bed and got on top of me. Before I could ask her what she was doing she kissed me on the mouth and she reached down to touch me and it felt so good. No one has touched me in so long. I've touched myself a total of once since the end of the world started. And now this beautiful woman was on top of me and touching me and grinding against me and moaning my name so quietly in my ear.

And she took her little shorts off and pulled down mine and then fuck! she was so warm and tight and I rolled her over and took her and I had to cover her mouth with my hand so she wouldn't wake up Chaewon.

And it's been so long it was over way too soon but god it felt so good. There was so much pleasure and then just guilt.

And then I couldn't get her out of my bed fast enough and I don't think she understood but I made her get out. Get away from me don't touch me don't look at me. 

And I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. All I could think about was you. All I could see was your face. Almost felt like I could smell you, hear your soft breathing.

I never deserved you.

**September 21, 2182**

She's been trying to talk to me but everytime I look at her I feel sick. Feel like I betrayed you, let you down. Could even hear your mother's voice in my head "I told you that boy was no good, didn't I?" 

Joohyun keeps saying I didn't do anything wrong. That you're gone, her husband is gone, that moving on isn't betrayal, isn't cheating. I just want her to shut up. 

**September 23, 2182**

Chaewon drew me a picture for my birthday. It was me and Joohyun, with her standing between us, holding our hands. We were in front of a house with lots of flowers and a big bright yellow sun. Above each of our heads were our names: "mommy", "Chaewon", "daddy."

Fucking daddy. Daddy. Daddy. Joohyun saw and apologized but it was too late and I couldn't get it out of my head. Made me think of things I hadn't allowed myself to think about in years. Seeing that test on the bathroom counter. The smile on your face as you called me daddy. The sadness in the doctor's eyes while he explained what a tubal pregnancy was. The one hoarse sob that escaped you when you realized what it meant. The sharpness of my heart being ripped apart as I held you while you sobbed. 

And I broke. I burst into tears and I ripped up the picture. Chaewon's small smile vanished and she started to cry. And I hated every single thing in that moment and I just wanted to die.

I just want to die.

**September 25, 2182**

I can't remember what happened. I read the last journal but I can't remember what happened after. I woke up, covered in vomit, hungover, thirsty and disoriented. Joohyun and Chaewon were gone. I called out for them but received no response.

I got up. Looked around. Noticed a few things missing. The stuff they'd had from before plus some food and water, a couple sweaters. Some of the toys and kid books. 

I ran outside, I didn't even change my clothes, didn't tie my shoes. I don't even know why I cared so much. After we'd had sex(god I'm so fucking sorry I'm so sorry I love you so much I'm so sorry)I just wanted her gone and now she was gone and I was going out and looking for her? 

I jogged down the street to the diner, but they weren't there, was no sign they'd been there recently. 

I searched the other buildings in the area with no luck. Called out for them. Loudly. I can't remember the last time I was that loud. Always been too scared to get loud. Afraid the wrong people might hear, the wrong animals. Afraid they might come looking for the source of the noise.

But I didn't care. It was worth it if Joohyun heard me. If Chaewon heard me. I looked around, called their names again and waited, listened for anything that might signal they'd heard.

There was nothing. I was out there for hours, went so far I almost got lost, but I couldn't find them, couldn't tell where they went. Finally it started to get late so I had to turn around and go back. 

It had been dark for hours by the time I made it back. Was lucky the moon was so bright or I would have been lost. I didn't feel lucky.

**September 28, 2182**

I'm just useless. I couldn't protect you, couldn't save you. I let you down. And now I've done the same to Joohyun. To Chaewon. Next time I need to just mind my own business. I can't save anyone, protect anyone. I'll just mess up, hurt them. 

**October 12, 2182**

I found Joohyun's body. oh my God. I didn't even realize it was her at first. She was so dirty, so bloody. her long hair was caked full of mud and her face was dirty and covered in blood. Her clothes were ripped and filthy. She only had one shoe. She was missing an ear and there were chunks taken out of her. I think the dogs had been eating her, but where her ear had been...I think someone cut it off.

I cried. I fell to my knees and I just cried. I don't know how long I sat there but I cried until there was nothing left in me. And I realized Chaewon wasn't around. I stood up and called her name. Begged her to come out. But there was nothing. 

**October 13, 2182**

I buried Joohyun. At least I buried her. I wanted to bury you. Give you the respect you deserved but I let you down. I'm so sorry baby. 

I buried Joohyun under a nice big tree, placed rocks all the way around the hole, tried to make it look nice. 

I couldn't stop thinking about Chaewon. She was only 4. I'd thought she was a little older but no, only just 4. How would she survive by herself? If she was still alive.

**October 18, 2182**

I spent days looking for Chaewon, calling out for her. Can't tell you how many miles I went, how many hours I spent just looking her, forgetting to eat, to drink, just trying to find that little girl.

She was gone. 

**November 27, 2182**

Happy 31st. We're starting to get old now, huh? Our baby would be 7 by now. Not really a baby anymore. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since Chaewon called me daddy. Still haven't found her. Probably won't ever find her, not alive at least. There's no way she could survive out there on her own, especially now, it's so fucking cold outside, I can't even get too close to the door. Nothing could survive out there. I've been wearing layers and I still get a chill from time to time.

**December 19, 2182**

It's been storming for days. It started with the bitter cold towards the end of November and transformed into an ice storm. I couldn't get out if I wanted to, everything is frozen. I can hear the wind whipping all the way down here and it's lucky I found this place. Actually feel kind of lucky this time. Freezing to death would be a terrible way to go.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment. I've never written something like this so I'd really love to hear your thoughts, and also if I should keep going with this. Thanks for reading.


End file.
